06 September 2006

I didn't know a day lasted this long...

As most of my readers already have heard, ellen ellen informed me on Monday over the phone that we should cease seeing each other. Our relationship had never been without bumps, we had worked through three previous 'breaks', but I thought that we had made some major improvements after the most recent break and that things were better than they had been for probably a year or so. Evidently that feeling was not shared. To have someone choose the absence of your company over the presence of it is never a good feeling. To have that someone be someone you love deeply makes it nearly sickening. She was my closest friend.
The days and hours since then have been difficult. To have your envisioned future plans completely scrapped and replaced by a gigantic question mark leads to a lot of self-questioning, stress and uncertainty. I appreciate all the helpful words and kindness from you all. I know I need to let go and begin the process of healing and moving on, but right now it seems almost unthinkable. I know that this isn't the end of my life, but it is an end to a major part of it. I have to hope that each day it will hurt a little less and that someday in the future I will be able to have feelings for another person.
So expect a lot of phone calls from me because, like I said, I don't have many people here to talk to. I always have my incredible family, though. Thanks.


  1. hang in there bro!

    call anytime

  2. people are often moved to employ cliches and truisms at times like these... i am no exception as i was first tempted to use "whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" which i happen to like a great deal. however, my hydrophilia drove me to select a song lyric instead;

    I was feelin' the blues
    I was watching the news
    When this fella came on the TV

    He said I'm tellin' you
    That science has proven
    That heartaches are healed by the sea

    That got me goin'
    Without even knowin'
    I packed right up and drove down

    while we can't always afford the $$ or time, i've always felt time with the ocean buoys the spirit.

  3. Since I am at school, I will make this short, be strong-know that things will get better -don't dwell on what if's, it wasn't meant to be and really we all feel it is for the best, you deserve someone outstanding so --keep busy and call anytime.

  4. ok. my response may seem a bit long and a little like stoppables but i will post it anyway. i found the following dialogue from one of my favorite movies, French Kiss, on line and i think that it speaks to the pain of breaking up and the hope of the future. although the story is about a woman trying to get over a man it is the same for anyone trying to get past even the first day. so....

    Luc- Why are you chasing
    after him after what he's done to you?

    Kate-Because I love him. And I'm afraid
    that if he doesn't come back, that I'll...it'll hurt so much that I'll shrivel up
    and never be able to love anyone again.

    Luc-You say that now but...
    after a time, you would forget. First, you would forget his chin
    and then his nose and after a while you would struggle
    to remember the exact colour of his eyes. And one day you wake up and he's gone. His voice, his smell, his face. He will have left you. And then you can begin again.