As most of my readers already have heard, ellen ellen informed me on Monday over the phone that we should cease seeing each other. Our relationship had never been without bumps, we had worked through three previous 'breaks', but I thought that we had made some major improvements after the most recent break and that things were better than they had been for probably a year or so. Evidently that feeling was not shared. To have someone choose the absence of your company over the presence of it is never a good feeling. To have that someone be someone you love deeply makes it nearly sickening. She was my closest friend.
The days and hours since then have been difficult. To have your envisioned future plans completely scrapped and replaced by a gigantic question mark leads to a lot of self-questioning, stress and uncertainty. I appreciate all the helpful words and kindness from you all. I know I need to let go and begin the process of healing and moving on, but right now it seems almost unthinkable. I know that this isn't the end of my life, but it is an end to a major part of it. I have to hope that each day it will hurt a little less and that someday in the future I will be able to have feelings for another person.
So expect a lot of phone calls from me because, like I said, I don't have many people here to talk to. I always have my incredible family, though. Thanks.